Children's Poet Laureate J. Patrick Lewis shows how wickedly funny he can be in If You Were a Chocolate Mustache, his definitive collection of humorous poems. With 125 poems in 160 pages, illustrated with side-splitting black-and-white art from rising star Matthew Cordell, this book offers a potpourri of subjects: animals, school, weird things, wacky inventions, foods, computers, and more. Why should you never spit from a roller coaster? (You'll hit yourself.) What are the "Rules for Tightrope Walking Between Tall Buildings"? (Better not laugh and don't look ". . . down at the traf__"!) The poems display a lively range in length (from only a few words to multiple verses) and form (riddles, limericks, nonsense poems, haiku, shape poems, etc.), and all show why Lewis is such a beloved and honored poet. Matthew Cordell's expressive characters and humorous artwork are the perfect complement to the poems.